Hidden Corner Nails
by readbymoonlight
Summary: Between capturing tailed-beast and world domination, the Akatsuki barely have enough time each week to set up an appointment with their favorite nail artist.
1. Kisame

**Kisame: Mondays 9:30 A.M**

I quietly set up my station as my next 'special' costumer walked in through the door. I glanced up as say his blueish-gray toned skin and sent him a warm smile. Sadly that smile was not returned today.

"Good Morning Kisame. How are you this fine day?" I asked cheerful as I looked up at him.

Kisame sent me a look of clear hatred as he sat across from me. "Harumi, I fucking hate Mondays. I fucking hate mornings. I fucking hate having to get my nails done." He gently set down his sword and after a gentle caress looked up at me with a look of pure venom.

"So, you want the usual?" I asked digging through my second draw labeled 'Akatsuki'. I heard a grunt in response and pulled out the desired lavender color. I set it down next to the rest of my supplies and looked up to see the half shark man giving the nail polish a resentful look. "Hands." I commanded. With a roll of his eyes, he gave me his hands to clean up and re-paint. I carefully examined them. Even though I had painted them exactly a week ago, they were in complete disarray; chipped, scratched, broken, and caked with red. "Is this blood?"

"Yes." Kisame hissed. He seemed even more ticked off than usual.

"Don't you know how to clean your hands?" I asked sternly as I scolded him. "None of my other clients are nearly as bad as you."

"What does it fucking matter?" He growled. I started to wipe the dried blood and old nail polish.

"You'll never get a girl with that attitude." I muttered under my breath. He seemed to have heard me.

"Yes, of course! Because blood on my fingers is the first thing a girl will notice when she see me." Kisame snarled. "It's not like girls overlook the fact I am a murderous shark."

"You are not a shark." I rolled my eyes. From years of painting Kisame's (and the other Akatsuki's) nails, I know his sensitive spots.

"Blue skin, pointed teeth, gills; it doesn't matter if I am an actual shark or not! That's all you women look at."

"Ah, so that's what this is about." I nodded my head as I trimmed his cuticles.

"Harumi, you don't understand." Kisame shook his head disgusted.

"Why wouldn't I understand?" I asked.

"You are pretty. Pretty people don't have to worry about things like looking like a shark."

"I work at a nail salon and paints S-Rank criminal's nails." I raised my eyebrows.

"But you can still get any guy you want." Kisame muttered. "Pretty people like you and Itachi can never understand what it is like."

"Enlighten me." I muttered.

"Girls now-a-days don't look for personality, they look to see if your hot or not. I have blue shark skin, point teeth, blood covered fingers, and my partner is a teen heart-throb." Kisame sighed. "If you had to choose between me and Itachi, the choice is kind of fucking obvious."

"Maybe you haven't found the right girl yet." I nodded my head.

"You think?" Kisame asked hopeful but skeptical.

"I'm positive." I responded as I pulled out the clear coat. "One day, you'll find her."

"What if I don't?"

"You will, besides no one is perfect. Heck, I have an ugly birthmark on my shoulder but that doesn't stop me from wearing sleeveless tops."

Kisame seemed to digest this information while I finished up the clear coat on his left hand and moved to the right.

"Harumi?"

"Yes, Kisame?"

"How do I get a girl to like me?" Kisame asked in a small child-like voice.

I paused for a moment as I finished up his right hand and opened the lavender nail color.

"What kind of girl are you looking for?" I finally asked.

Kisame thought for a moment answering. "Well, she has to love me for whom I am. She has to be able to laugh with me and be a good-natured soul. I would mostly just want a girl who cares for me and loves me." Kisame paused for a moment and snarled, "If _any_ of the other Akatsuki's hear this, you are dead Harumi, you hear me?"

"Kisame, my lips are sealed. Besides, what you say here is confidential. Everyone who comes here signs the confidentiality agreement form. How else am I supposed to have business?" I explained to Kisame. He seemed to relax greatly. I started the second coat of the lavender.

"Harumi, do you think she is out there?" Kisame asked.

"I'm sure she is and is waiting for you." I answered.

"D-do you think she will think I am handsome?" Kisame stuttered out.

"Of course!" I exclaimed happily. "What do you think she'll look like?"

"Beautiful." Kisame hummed. "She'll have the smoothest, purest white skin. Her hair would be silky black and usually held in a tidy ponytail, nothing to fancy. She'll be fit. Her face would be one of an angel's. Her eyes would be a beautiful deep onyx surrounded by thick eyelashes and underlined by tear-troughs. Sometimes when she will be upset with me, those beautiful onyx orbs will flash red and black." Kisame sighed.

"She sounds beautiful." I murmur although I could help think of his sharingan using partner.

"He is."

"Excuse me?"

"She is." Kisame stated quickly. I had finished up the lavender and moved onto the final clear coat.

"Well, when you meet her, tell her hello for me." I smiled brightly as I continued his nails.

"Harumi, how would I go about courting her?" Kisame asked with his head tilted to the side.

"Well, you have to show her you are interested. To do so, you need to make romantic gestures." I explained.

Kisame's face brightened. "Like slicing the head off my enemy and presenting it to her?"

I paused for a moment, before continuing. "Perhaps something else."

Without a moment's pause, Kisame exclaimed. "Or burning down a hidden village in her honor?"

"Maybe something more subtle." I explained, getting up and leading him to the pedicure station. "Oh good, no blood on your toes." I exclaimed happily as we sat down.

"How could I be more subtle?" Kisame asked, honestly curious.

"Roses, chocolates, poems." I listed.

"Harumi! She won't fall for me over something as arbitrary and idiotic as flowers. I would need something deep and meaning full to court her." Kisame insisted. "She would want something useful to her or meaningful!"

"Like a burning village or a severed head?"

"Perhaps you're right there, but she wouldn't want flowers or chocolates. She'd want…to be taken to a Japanese café." Kisame nodded eagerly.

"Sounds like you already know who she is and what she likes." I raised my eyebrow at him.

"No! I don't!" Kisame exclaimed appalled. "I'm too busy with work."

"Then how would you find her with all you work?"

Kisame paused, clearly thinking of a comeback but found none. "I'll make time to search for her."

"Won't Itachi get upset if you spend less time with him and more time looked for your love?" I asked.

Kisame blinked before responding. "No, Itachi is independent and can take care of himself. I don't need to babysit the little weasel-brat. Besides, Itachi likes his alone time."

"Well you make sure you let me know how the search is going next week."

"Sure, sure."

I nod my head. "Well, do you feel better?" I asked as I slowly stood up.

"Very much." Kasime grinned, a shark tooth grin, as I pulled him out of the chair. He walked over to my station and picked up his beloved sword. "You can put this on Kakuzu's tab, right?" He asked.

"Oh of course!" I grinned back. "Good luck with your search for love!"

"Thank you very much Harumi." Kisame sighed as he left. Once the door closed I shook my head. After a minute, I shrugged and put away my supplies and cleaned my station, waiting for my next guest.

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**This is my first fanfiction story! Please review!**


	2. Sasori

**Sasori: Monday 12 P.M.**

"You need to get out of the puppet." I sighed with my hands on my hips and tapped my foot. I was currently standing in front of my station having a staring contest with Hiruko, Sasori's puppet. Every time he comes here, I have to convince the guy to climb out of his puppet amour so I can do my job.

"Turn around." A hard voice responds.

Rolling my eyes I turn around and start opening up a paint thinner can. "You still want teal?"

There was a pause. "...yes."

"Can I turn around now?" I asked impatiently and HE is the one with the waiting issues.

"...yes."

I turned around to see the familiar red headed young wooden boy. He gave me a half lidded gaze.

"Please sit." I gestured to the chair across from me. He sat down patiently. "Hands." I asked. Sasori made no move. "Hands." I repeated.

"..."

"Sasori! Hands!" I yelped. I looked up to see the puppet boy fixing me with a glare. "What now?" I growled. I was not having it. I was always irritated with Sasori, mostly because his appointment is scheduled for midnight.

"Did you buy the professional strength one this time?" Sasori asked after a moment's pause.

"Yes. The one in the yellow can?" I reminded. Sasori thought about it for a moment before slowly holding out his hands. The teal from last week was near perfect. "Do you really want me to redo these?" I asked unsure. "They could last another week. It's not like you ever leave Hiruko's amour."

"No, do them again." Sasori nodded his head. "I need… to talk." He said as I started cleaning off the previous paint with paint thinner.

"Talk about what?" I asked. Sasori rarely talked during his appointments. He usually fixed a blank stare at me while I silently worked. The only time he did talk was when telling me to buy different wall paints and paint thinner for his nails. Since he is a puppet, regular polish and remover don't work for him.

"I heard you helped Kisame with his love live." Sasori responded dully.

"How'd you here that?"

"Itachi was grumbling about it this afternoon when Kisame came back from his appointment." Sasori replied expertly.

"So what do you-"

"What is love?" Sasori cut me off. He sounded just as bored as ever.

"Love?"

"Yes, Kisame is looking for his love, so what is love? Who is she? Why does Kisame want her? Why can't Itachi replace this love? Is Itachi not good enough? Did he hurt daddy? Is mommy leaving us? Why can't mommy and daddy stay together?" Sasori asked eyes wide in panic. His regular monotone voice was covered with unnatural panic.

"What?" I asked trying to comprehend what this normally quiet puppet boy is saying. "Let's try one question at a time."

"Who is love?"

"Well," I paused as I opened the teal wall paint can lid. "Love isn't a person."

"But Kisame is looking for her? How is she not a person?" Sasori seemed honestly confused.

"Love is a feeling." I tried to simplify for the poor puppet soul.

"Feeling." Sasori mumbled confused.

"Yes, like you get butterflies in your stomach, your hands shake, your heart beats faster, like something is eating away at it." I explained as I finished up the teal of his left hand.

"Like termites." Sasori's face brightened.

"What?" I glanced up.

"When I get termites, my stomach feels funny, my hands get all wobbly and my heart feels like it is being nibbled at." Sasori answered happily finally finding the understanding.

"Yes, love is like termites."

"Why does Kisame want something like termites?" Sasori frowned. "I hate termites. If he wants them so bad I can give him mine."

"No Kisame is looking for love." I sighed. This was harder to explain then I thought. "Kisame is looking for someone who he can be happy with."

"Is Itachi not enough?" Sasori frowned.

"Well, he is looking for someone different. He wants someone who he is happy with." I sighed.

"IS ITACHI TREATING KISAME WRONG?" Sasori yelped slamming his hands on the table. Lucky for me, he was done with his first coat.

"Sasori, can you explain to me why you think Itachi and Kisame are together?" I asked.

"Well, Itachi and Kisame are always together." Sasori nodded his head as if it were obvious.

"Are you and Deidara?" I asked.

Sasori's eye narrowed. "Only when it is necessary. Deidara is rather annoying. Plus, we spend time apart. Itachi and Kisame are _always_ together."

"Always? I thought Itachi likes his 'alone' time." I asked.

"He does, but only if he knows what Kisame is going to do."

"So is that the only reason?" I asked. "Because they are always together?"

"Well, they are the first pair to be in Akatsuki, so they are like the mommy and daddy."

"Not Pein and Konan?" I asked.

"No! No, no, no. They are fighting right now." Sasori held up hands, stopping me from finishing the second coat of his nails. Sasori was fully expressing emotions at this point, which was a little unnerving coming from this puppet boy. "Besides, Itachi is the mommy and Kisame is the daddy."

I got up from my chair and led Sasori to the pedicure chair. He settled down and I started his toes. "Why is Itachi the mommy and Kisame the daddy?" I asked.

"Itachi has the motherly quality about him. He always worries about Kisame's wellbeing. Plus mommies have long hair." Sasori nodded his head, please with himself. "Kisame is taller and more muscular like daddies. Kisame always protect Itachi and Kisame has a big, big sword."

I blinked for a moment after I heard the child-like explanation from Sasori. "You do realize that Itachi and Kisame aren't together. They are just do those things for each other because they are partners."

"Deidara and I never do those things for each other. We go our separate ways because we would get in each other's way." Sasori sighed. "Plus Deidara doesn't even know what I look like underneath Hiruko. I bet Itachi knows what Kisame looks like underneath Kisame's-"

"Oops, no more, sorry!" I yelped as I stood up quickly. "Well now that you are all done, why don't we get you back into Hiruko?"

"But Harumi, you never explained to me one thing." Sasori frowned.

"And what is that one thing?"

"Why isn't Itachi good enough for Kisame? Why can't Itachi be Kisame's love?" Sasori asked as he stood up.

"Well, Itachi can be Kisame's love, but I don't think he is."

"Why not?"

"Well, Kisame described his love and it didn't sound like Itachi." I explained gently. I felt bad ruining Sasori's perfect image of a family, even if it was with two mass murdering men.

"Oh." Sasori looked down upset.

"But, maybe I'm wrong!" I quickly offered.

Sasori's face instantly brightened. "Really?"

I nodded my head. "Now, let's get you into Hiruko." I gestured to the amour by my station.

"Turn around." Sasori commanded.

Rolling my eyes I turned around. "Fine. Well, how are you paying?" I asked.

"Put it on Kakuzu's tab." A deep voice responded, signaling that Sasori was safely wrapped up in Hiruko.

I turned around. "Alright, see you next week." I waved.

Sasori turned around without a word and opened the door. As he left I could hear him mutter. "I want mommy and daddy together again, Harumi."

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**Thanks for reading! Zetsu is next!**


	3. Zetsu

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

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**Zetsu: Tuesday 10 AM**

I patiently sat at my station as I waited for my client to pick out his color(s).

"How about yellow?" White Zetsu offered.

_"No, black." _Black Zetsu countered, more liked demanded.

"You picked last time. It's my turn." White Zetsu argued.

_"I am not doing yellow." _Black Zetsu finalized.

"Then pink." White Zetsu offered happily.

_"No, I'll settle for blue."_ Black Zetsu growled, clearly no pleased with the choices.

"Well, I quite like the pink." White Zetsu said thoughtfully.

_"You murder people, and you want to intimidate them with pink?"_ Black Zetsu asked perplexed.

"It's not like they will say anything once they are dead, most of the time anyways." White Zetsu explained with a shrug of his white shoulder.

_"Blue, take it or leave it."_ Black Zetsu said unmoving.

"Let's compromise." White Zetsu offered.

_"No."_

"You can have blue, if I can have pink."

_ "…Fine."_ Black Zetsu compromised.

"Excellent! Harumi, we've decided." Zetsu called, announcing his decision.

"What will it be?" I asked, lifting up my head from the station.

"Pink and-"

_"Blue."_ Black Zetsu interrupted.

"Okay, where will you like the pink and-"

_"Blue."_ Black Zetsu interrupted again.

"Yes, and blue." I finished.

"Pink on hands and blue on toes." White Zetsu explained, sitting in front of me with the desired colors; a pale pink and a dark midnight blue.

Alright, may I see your hands?" I asked. Silently Zetsu held out his hands.

_"How about one hand blue and one hand pink?"_ Black Zetsu offered, obviously still not happy with the current color choices.

"No, fingers will be pink and toes will be blue. That is final." White Zetsu huffed.

"Are we sure here?" I asked.

"Yes." White Zetsu nodded.

_"…Fine."_

"Okay, so what is new?" I asked causally as I started to remove the previous nail polish, a dark green color.

"Well,"

_"We are still looking for the tailed beasts. The nine-tails has proven difficult."_ Black Zetsu explained, cutting off White Zetsu again. _"That Jinchuriki of the nine-tails is apparently very troublesome along with its keepers."_

"Who are its 'keepers'?" I asked curiously.

"The Copy-cat ninja-" White Zetsu started

_"Hatake Kakashi and a wood style user. Both are from Konoha."_ Black Zetsu finished.

"Isn't that Itachi's beast then?" I asked curiously.

_"Yes."_ Black Zetsu hissed.

"But Itachi hasn't been in the best of moods lately." White Zetsu explained.

_"And that is saying something since he is always in a mood."_ Black Zetsu further explained.

"Do you know, what's the matter with him?" I asked curiously. Zetsu was always my gossiper.

"Well he seems more upset then usually, especially at Kisame." White Zetsu offered.

_"Also, he put Sasori into Tsukuyomi." _Black Zetsu added.

"What?! Why did he do that?" I asked appalled but in my stomach I had a feeling I knew.

"I think Sasori called him mommy." White Zetsu explained.

Silence echoed the room. The clock ticking was the only sound for a minute. Black Zetsu didn't even have anything to offer. Oh no.

"He called Itachi…mommy?" I asked carefully.

"…yes." White Zetsu confirmed.

"Itachi didn't like that, did he?" I asked.

"I don't think so." White Zetsu answered.

_"He was confused at first and asked Sasori to elaborate." _Black Zetsu told me.

"Then Sasori went on the explaining something about Itachi being his mom and Kisame being the dad." White Zetsu helped.

"And how is Sasori now?" I asked worried.

_"It's hard to say, being that he is in a puppet." _Black Zetsu said.

"But I think he is better since he has locked his bedroom door." White Zetsu offered thoughtfully.

"Well, hopefully he is okay." I sighed. I was nearly done with his pink nails first coat. "Anything else happening at the base?"

"Pein and Konan are-"

_"Nothing. Nothing is happening." _Black Zetsu coughed quickly.

"Uh, okay." I sighed. Zetsu was always loyal to his higher ups and surprisingly the newbie Tobi.

"I think we can tell Harumi. We signed a contract; she can't legally tell anyone anything." White Zetsu explained to himself.

_"I don't think neither Pein nor Konan would appreciate us telling someone about their relationship issues." _Black Zetsu hissed.

"Oh knowing both of them she will find out by the time they have their appointment." White Zetsu sighed.

_"Fine, you tell Harumi." _Black Zetsu muttered.

I waited patiently as I finished up the pink's clear coat. "How about we moved to the pedicure chair so I can do your blue?" I offered gently.

Zetsu nodded as I led him to the plush chair. Once he sat down and I stared cleaning up his nails, he decided to start talking again. "Well, I only heard a little bit about it but it was something like Konan can't handle it anymore."

"Handle what?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know but Pein is trying to make it up to her but she won't hear anything about it." White Zetsu explained.

_"He even asked help from Tobi." _Black Zetsu shuttered. _"Whatever he did, he didn't help it by calling her an innocent flower."_

"Oh, she hates that more than anything." White Zetsu nodded his head thoughtfully.

"When did the fighting start?"

_"Yesterday." _Black Zetsu mumbled quickly.

"It was after Kisame got back from his appointment." White Zetsu recalled. "Konan and Kisame were both talking about Kisame's new quest of passion and love when Itachi and Pein walked into the kitchen area. All I could here were some words exchanged, mostly between Pein and Konan. Itachi's sharingan was activated when he left though."

_"Afterwards, Itachi locked himself in his room, Kisame asked Hidan for advice, and Konan locked Pein out of their room." _Black Zetsu finished. _"Whatever happened, it was ugly."_

"You said Pein asked Tobi for help, how did that go?" I asked, trying to keep the information coming.

"You know how enthusiastic the boy is." White Zetsu hesitantly put.

_"Tobi gave Pein flowers, chocolates, and handwritten poems to give to Konan." _Black Zetsu explained.

"I take it that didn't work well?" I asked, predicting the answer.

"Not at all." White Zetsu sighed.

_"I believe Konan threw the flowers out, sent the poems at Pein in the form of sharp paper airplanes, but I think she kept the chocolates though."_ Black Zetsu summarized.

"Well, that sounds very…" I paused trying to find the correct word.

_"Ugly?" _Black Zetsu offered.

"Yeah, very ugly." I nodded as I finished the final clear coat. "Well it looked like you are all done here."

Zetsu stood up and walked toward the door quickly. "Thank you for the nails Harumi." White Zetsu smiled.

_"Put it on Kakuzu." _Black Zetsu barked before he walked out of the salon before I could even ask.

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**Thank you for reading! Please Review. Next is Hidan.**


	4. Hidan

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

**Warning: Explicit Language**

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**Hidan: Tuesday 3 PM**

"So then, I slit the bitch's fucking throat for cursing Jashin. You know what I did then?"

"What?" I asked in monotone.

"I ripped her limb to limb and burnt the fucker alive." Hidan finished and laughed.

"That was an...amusing tale." I offered lightly.

"Fuck, watch it!" Hidan yelped as I trimmed his cuticle a little too short. "What the fuck are you trying to do? The fucking hurts you little fucking bitch!"

"That hurt? Don't your ceremonies hurt more than that?" I asked with raised eyebrows. Out of all the Akatsuki Hidan was one of the more annoying ones.

"Fuck yeah, but that's for Lord Jashin, not for some blasphemous self-devotion rituals."

"'Blasphemous self-devotion'?" I asked unsure.

"Yes. In the many laws of Jashin, refining ones appearance is fucking blasphemy." Hidan rolled his eyes like it is obvious. Apparently in the many laws of Jashin, cursing like a sailor was fine and encouraged.

"I see. Then why are you here?" I asked.

"It is in that shit code of conduct that we have our fucking nails down like whore of the red fucking light district." Hidan growled.

"I see." I mumbled. Hidan was rather new to Akatsuki so I didn't have much prior experience with his behavior as I did with Konan and Pain who at decade old clients. "Wait, you have a code of conduct?" I asked interested.

"It's fucking shit, but yeah." Hidan growled, clearly not pleased. I started on his clear coat as he continued. "Has a bunch of rules and regulations and pointless shit."

"Like what?" I asked curiously.

"Well, there is the faggot ass dress code, the secrecy rules, the fucking chores assignment agreement, relationship notifications-"

"Chores assignment agreement and relationship notifications?" I asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, stupid shit. The chores assignment agreement is so assholes like Deidara clean their shit up and actually make the fuck hole of a hideout livable. The relationship notification is just a fucking stupid way for Kakuzu and Konan to know your shit. What a fucking gossiping bitches. Basically you got to fill out this long ass form and sign it." Hidan rolled his eyes.

"You guys are given the liberty to have relationships? Is it in the organization only or can you just date or whomever?" I asked interested that the Akatsuki seems to have thought this far in terms of their members' wellbeing, or maybe Hidan was right. Kakuzu and Konan did have this unnatural supply of random information.

Apparently Hidan liked my question by his leer. "Why Harumi, are you telling me you are interested?" Hidan growled flirtatiously. My eyes widened in fear. "Because if you are I know a number of Jashin approved activities we can do together, let's say, Friday night?"

"Well, uh Hidan… You still want the dark green polish right?" I asked trying to stop the conversation from taking its course.

"Yes, yes, dark green is fucking fantastic." Hidan waved his hand. "So, Friday night eh? What do you say?"

"Friday night, I-I'm busy." I muttered quickly.

"With?"

"Itachi."

"What the fuck are you doing with that fag?" Hidan growled.

"His appointments are scheduled on Friday nights, so I have to do that instead." I murmured.

"Right, my bad." Hidan sighed. He sounded rather civil. I almost was shocked. Keyword: Almost. "Of course the kid is a fucking faggot."

"Why do you think that?" I asked as I finished just his first coat of dark emerald green.

"How many fucking reasons do you need? One, he looks like a fucking chick, hell he'd be a pretty fucking hot one too, but I'm _NOT_ a fucking faggot! Anyways, two, he's fucking PMSing about every fucking little piece of shit that goes down, and it's been worst since yesterday, little fucking bitch. Whatever, three, the little bitch acts better than everyone else. I mean shit; he works as an S-Rank villain! We all are pieces of shit. It's nothing to boast about. He is only like that because he thinks he is the prettiest, which is a total fucking lie. I mean, hello! I'm right fucking here!"

I was silent for a moment, as I switched from the colored polish to the clear coat, digesting the information that Hidan spewed out in his little rant. Finally, after letting Hidan cool down, I spoke. "So, you don't like Itachi very well?" I asked.

"Nobody fucking does! He is a bastard! I mean with the exception of Tobi, who like everyone. And Kakuzu, but he only does that to piss me off. And Zetsu, he doesn't have a problem with anyone. And Pein and Konan, but they are hardly around. And Sasori, but Sasori is just fucking weird. And Kisame, but they are like fuck buddies." Hidan hissed. I finished up his clear coat during his rant and we silently headed over to the pedicure table.

"So basically just you and Deidara." I summarized with a roll of my eyes. "And 'Fuck Buddies'?"

"We all know they have been getting it on." Hidan rolled their eyes. "If they haven't, they will. I mean Kisame is just begging for it and Itachi keeps insisting on 'formalizing plans'. I call fucking bullshit! The only ones worst them those to faggots are Pein and Konan."

I was silent for a moment. "Why don't we head over to the chair and do your toes?" I offered quietly.

Hidan gave me an appalled look but submitted to my request and sank into the chair. I quickly started to work on his toes. "So, how is Sasori?" I finally asked as I trimmed his toe cuticles.

"What do you mean how is- FUCK that hurts bitch!" Hidan yelped. I mutter a quick sorry as he continues. "Anyways, I don't know. The freak locked himself in his room this morning. I suppose Zetsu told you what went down?" Hidan asked. I nodded my head. "Well I wasn't there for it; I was too busy helping out Kisame with his love life."

I glanced up for a moment before resuming to the clear coat on his toes. "I was curious about that, but uh why are you… qualified to help Kisame out?" I asked curiously as I started the color as fast as I could. The sooner Hidan was gone, the better for my migraine that was coming.

Hidan gave me a bewildered look. "Hello? I'm fucking sexy as hell, can get any woman I want, and I've had _years_ to put all my know how into practice. Kisame can learn a fucking thing or two about woman by just being in my presence." Hidan boasted pleased as I started the first coat of the dark green. I seem to remember the start of his session with him telling me about forcing a girl from the alleys to sacrifice her.

"But weren't you just calling Kisame a 'fag'?" I asked,

"Look, Harumi, homosexuality is a huge fucking no in Jashin. If giving Kisame advice on how to nail a girl, helps him get past that disgusting stage in his life then so be it." Hidan explained as I finished up his color and quickly started the clear coat. "Besides, I'm sure that skills can translate from straight to gay. Isn't Itachi the woman anyways? Although personally I thought Kisame would be. I mean he is way more fucking emotional then Itachi and-"

"Alright! We are done here. Thanks for stopping by." I exclaimed as I leaped from my stool and helped Hidan up.

Hidan gave me a suspicious look but shrug and walked toward the door. "Kakuzu can pay for this alright? And we will have a rain check for those Jashin approved activities." Hidan winked as he left the salon.

I sank into the chair he had previously occupied with two thoughts. One, I was not looking forwards to next week's appointment with the man. Two, I better put away all the sharp objects for my client tomorrow.

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**Thanks for reading and please review! Those of you that have reviewed, thank you so much! Up next: (my personal favorite) Tobi!**


	5. Tobi

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

**Warning: Discrete Spoilers**

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**Tobi: Wednesday 11:11 AM**

I wiped down my counter one more time and scanned the salon to make sure anything could be tipped, knocked over, pushed, crushed, or considered dangerous was locked up safety in the back room. I looked outside to see the familiar orange masked Akatsuki waiting outside the door and sighed.

His appointments were scheduled for 11:11 but sometimes he would show up early but refused to come in until the clock struck 11:11.

We had one more minute in counted as I just leaned against my table as I waited patiently for the strange man. I had thirty more seconds until this eccentric man would walk through the door and we would have to deal with the ordeal of new colors. It was the same every time.

I counted down the last ten seconds in my head.

_10._ He tapped his head on the glass window and tapped his feet together in mid-jump.

_9._ He tapped his head on the glass again and wiggled is glove covered fingers that rested on his sides.

_8._ He tapped his head on the glass for a third time and clapped his hands together.

_7._ He tapped his head on the glass yet again and yelped something I could quite hear.

_6. _He tapped his head on the glass another time and shimmied his shoulders and hips.

_5. _He tapped his head on the glass _again_ and did a squat.

_4._ He tapped his head on the glass and spun around four times extremely, inhumanly fast.

_3._ He tapped his head on the glass and put his palms together and bowed his head.

_2. _He tapped his head on the glass for the ninth time and his entire body shook.

_1. _His head came crashing onto the glass window causing a crack to appear, but he didn't notice as he ran into the salon and repeated the phrase he says every time he has come here. "I wish that today will be the day." The day for what? I don't know.

Taking another sigh I addressed him. "Hello, Tobi. Are you ready?" I asked in the tone I would use if I were addressing a small child.

Tobi didn't seem to mind. "Yes! Harumi-chan, did you get any new colors? Perhaps a paisley blue or an avenging orange?"

I gulped. The last time I showed Tobi the colors; he knocked over half of them and then proceeded to have me paint his nails with the mixture of the colors he dropped. I weakly brought up my hand to gesture to the wall. "The wall is over there, please be careful."

At this Tobi laughed and waved his hand. "Harumi-chan, I am a member of the Akatsuki. I think I can handle a wall." I wasn't too sure but I watched him as he walked off to the wall. I held my breath as he picked a grass green, then a canary yellow, followed by a royal blue, a magenta, a crimson, hot pink, a steel gray, a midnight black, an off white, and a neon orange. With all the colors in his hands, he skipped over to my table and laid them down in a pile before plopping in his chair. He looked up at me with his one eye.

"You want all these colors?" I asked. He nodded his head. "But don't you think Pein would get mad?" Tobi shook his head. I sighed. I opened my drawn and pulled out a piece of paper. "But Pein has a note here that says, 'No outrageous designs, shapes, or colors'."

"It'll be fine Harumi-chan!" Tobi squeaked before in a quiet, deeper and much more sinister voice, "I'll have to have a word with Pein."

My eyes widened as I looked at Tobi. "Are you okay?" I asked nervously.

Tobi looked up, the dark aura now dissipated. "Yes!"

"Alright, would you put the colors in order for me?" I asked. Tobi instantly started putting the colors in the desired order, occasionally leaning back before moving a color around. Once he was happy, he looked up expectantly. "Alright, please remove your gloves and let me see your hands." I commanded. Tobi diligently obliged and I started to remove the bright blue from last week. Why he had me paint his hands was a mystery but I can't really complain. The money is too good.

"Harumi-chan, Tobi has a question." Tobi stated. I nodded my head to tell him that I was listening. "Is there a reason you are trying to tear my family apart?"

I looked up in shocked. Tobi was even newer then Hidan but he never said anything remotely like that before. "I'm not quite sure what you are talking about Tobi."

"Ever since the beginning of this week, the Akatsuki household has lost is usual enchantment of joyous energy." Tobi sighed dramatically. _Enchantment of joyous energy?_

"Can you go a little more in depth?" I asked as I opened up the clear coat.

"Kisame-san has been looking for his love but Itachi-san is right there waiting to be recognized by his gilled lover. Kisame-san was fine before but now he won't even acknowledge the burning intensity in Itachi-san heart." Tobi wept. "Sasori-san been locked away in his room because he is terrified." _More under a genjutsu._ I thought to myself. "Sasori-san has the same dreams that I and most Akatsuki members alike share: we all want our mommy and daddy to be together again and we all silently praise Sasori-san for his bravery."

"Not you too." I moaned. I was working on his rainbow nail's first coat.

"Harumi-chan, I don't know what you mean." Tobi asked with child-like innocence, but unlike Sasori, I was hoping Tobi would know better. But then again, Tobi is a fucking idiot.

"You don't believe that Kisame and Itachi are together…do you?"

"Yes!" Tobi nodded his head four times, each time going lower and lower to the table before rising to his full sitting height. I could never understand the mannerisms of Tobi. No one could. I started working on the second coat of his nails in silence. "Are they not together?" Tobi asked as he cocked his head to the side.

"I wouldn't believe so." I responded.

"If they aren't together." Tobi murmured quietly to himself. "That must mean Deidara-san and Sasori-san, Hidan-san and Kakuzu-san, and Pein-sama and Konan-chan aren't together!" Tobi exclaimed in a panicked voice.

"Tobi, just because they are partnered together, doesn't mean that they are actually romantically involved with each other." I explained.

"But, Zetsu-san lied." Tobi looked down.

"Zetsu?" I asked.

Tobi nodded his orange masked head. "Zetsu-san told Tobi that Pein-sama and Konan-chan were together because they were partners." Tobi explained. "Tobi wants a partner."

I wasn't even going to address the Pein/Konan bit. "Who would you want as your partner?" I asked quietly, although slightly curious about the answer.

"Kaka-DEIDARA-SAN!" Tobi started quietly before yelling.

"Deidara?" I asked ignoring the first part of his answer.

Tobi nodded his head gravely. "Yes, Deidara-san would make and excellent sempi. Deidara-sempi would show Tobi the wonders of art and explosive creativity. On cold nights, he will offer Tobi a smore and he would tell me stories of his youth, preferably wise and heroic tales about a team with the stubborn but experienced leader, the cutest medic, and the bravest ninja alive!"

My mouth hung open. I know Tobi was whimsical but I also know Deidara is nothing like that. Shaking my head, I stood up and directed Tobi to the pedicure station.

I silently started working on his nails when he spoke. "Do you think Deidara-san would like me?"

"Deidara is young. He loves his art and his creations. Anything more than that, will take some time for Deidara to get used to." I explained gently to Tobi because even I could tell there was no way in hell Deidara would be pleased if Tobi ever replaced Sasori.

"Hmm, perhaps you are right." Tobi said. "But Harumi-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"Since you are jealous of Kisame-san's luscious looks and are trying to take Itachi-san for yourself, can you tell me why you are breaking my heart?"

Again, I was at a loss for words. "Let me clarify a few points, okay?" Tobi nodded his head obediently. "Number one, I don't want Itachi for myself. He is all yours. Number two, I am not jealous of Kisame's looks. I am merely trying to get him a girlfriend, because that is what he wants. And number three, I'm sorry if I did, but I didn't mean to break your heart."

Tobi stayed silent for a moment. "I'm sorry I blamed you. I know it's not your fault." Tobi then looked at me with his lone eye. "A long time ago, I lost my family."

Pain struck me hard. "Tobi, I am so sorry."

Tobi nodded his head. "It's okay now because I watch the murderer all the time!" Tobi smiled cheerfully.

"That's…great Tobi." I finally admitted. I was nearly done with his first coat of colors. "The murderer, why don't you kill him. I mean I don't advise it but you are a criminal."

"Because Tobi is hopelessly in love with him." Tobi shameless sighed.

"Him?" I asked. Tobi nodded his head. "You love someone who killed your family."

"Well, to be fair, they weren't my real family, but it was my girlfriend." Tobi nodded.

"Girlfriend?" I asked shocked. Who in their right mind would date Tobi?

"Well, to be fair, she wasn't really my girlfriend. It was kind of like a Kisame and Itachi situation." I cursed at this. "See I was Kisame, cool collected and she was like Itachi, begging for recognition. In the end, I had to fake my death and leave her to my other love, the murderer."

I finished his nails and thanked the heaven I was done. "Alright, Tobi. It is time to go." I said as I stood up. Tobi jumped up and hugged my mid-section.

"Good bye Harumi-chan!" Tobi squeaked as he dug into his pocket. He opened his hand to reveal a piece of gum, an old ball of dango, a button, and a clump with stark white hair. Tobi immediately stored this all back into his pockets. "I don't have money." Tobi sighed sadly.

"If you want, you can pay next time." I offered. He is the only one I know who would do so.

"Wait! Kakuzu hasn't come yet right?" Tobi asked. I sadly knew where this was going. I nodded my head. "Make Kakuzu pay!" With that Tobi ran out of the shop laughing, not before hitting his head on the glass, causing further cracks.

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**Thank you for reading! Please review, they make my day and chapter writing much better. Thank you to those who have reviewed! Up next: Deidara!**


	6. Deidara

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Dedicated to Delaney.**

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**Deidara: Wednesday 6:45 PM**

The bell rang as my next client strolled through the doors. He held a certain...arrogance around him; like it was a privilege to be in his presence. It irked me.

He sat down a swift laid his hands out in front of me without a single word.

"Well hello, Deidara." I greeted as I examined his clay covered hands.

The young man looked at me. "Hello." His greeting was neither pleasant nor genuine. "You have caused a mess at the hide out." He sighed. "There is really no one else to blame but you. It truly is your entire fault."

With this I started working on his hands. I pulled out a scalpel and started working on chipping away at the clay on his fingers. "My fault?"

"Yes." Deidara sniffed. "Kisame turned into a shark bait sap, Itachi is even more of an ass then before, Sasori is locked in his room, Tobi keeps calling me Sempi and asking for smores, Zetsu keeps watching everyone like we are some sort of movie, and fucking Hidan keeps using me as an example to pick up women!" Deidara snarled. "Not to mention that Konan and Pein are fighting like an old married couple and my nerves are shot. The only one who isn't annoying is Kakuzu but I don't think that'll last long." Deidara stated matter of factly.

"Hmm." I hummed. What else was there to really say?

Deidara slammed his free hand down. "Is that all you have to say? How the hell am I supposed to get anything done with everyone acting like morons?"

"Maybe you can just ignore them." I offered as I started his clear coat.

"Impossible. I've tried." Deidara sighed. "The worst right now is tied between Tobi and Kisame."

"Do tell." I offer melodramatically. If I let the kid rant, perhaps I could work in peace.

"We'll Tobi is always annoying but now he wants to be my partner. I'm fine with Sasori. I mean sure the guy's taste in art is utter shit but it's better than Tobi. At least Sasori has some creative ability. Did you know for Christmas Tobi gave me a card with glitter? GLITTER? Absolutely terrible. No passion to it. No explosion. It was filled with artificial bursts of ardor." Deidara shook his head, clearly distraught with the idea of glitter based art. "Kisame on the other hand keeps going on and on about his love life, thanks to you." Deidara shot me a one eyed glare.

"All I'm here to do is talk you through whatever is on your mind while I do my job." I defended half-heartedly.

"Whatever save it." Deidara hissed. "Actually you know who the worst is? Hidan."

"Why?" I cocked one eyebrow.

"The fucker keeps using me for examples to pick up women!" Deidara hissed as I worked on the color. "I'm sick and tired of people thinking I'm a chick. Do you know what it is like to have Hidan's hands brushing against you? You don't know true fear!"

"The hair doesn't really help and I mean you figure is-" I paused as something wet slid over my palm. "DID YOU JUST FUCKING LICK MY HAND?" I cried.

"Sorry! Jeez woman! Sometimes the skin around the mouth gets chapped!" Deidara hissed. "Plus you fucking deserved it." He muttered.

"We'll use Chap Stick or something but don't lick while someone is touching your hands." I scold.

"Fuck, just do your job, damn it!" Deidara barked. With that I nodded my head and resumed working on his nails although I held his hands a little more carefully to avoid the possibility of getting another lick. I was nearly finished with the second coat when Deidara spoke again. "Do I really look like a woman?"

Without looking up from his hands I shook my head. "I mean your hair kind of throws you off but otherwise, you give off a 'manly' aura." I lied. Better just be nice to the brat.

"I knew it." Deidara boasted, clearly pleased with this. "You know who the real chick of Akatsuki is?"

"Who?" I asked bored as I gestured for Deidara to move to the pedicure station.

"Itachi." Deidara nodded his head.

My eyes widened. Did this kid have a death wish? "Itachi?" I echoed. "Why him? I mean there is an actual girl in the Akatsuki."

"Konan is not a chick." Deidara shook his head solemnly. "She doesn't do all the girl things like Itachi."

"What would those _things_ be?" I asked suddenly interested as I wiped the old black polish off.

"Well, Itachi has a set of rules and Pein makes everyone follow them." Deidara hissed.

"What are these rules?" I asked, clearly interested.

"One, no one enters his room." Deidara explained. "Except Kisame, but I think you know why." Deidara winked. "Two, don't touch the dango or drink his jasmine tea. He loves that shit to no end. Three, the arm chair in the living room is his. Four, don't bother Itachi's nap time. He gets cranky if you do. And lastly, five, don't ever, _ever_ tape over Itachi's soaps. He will kill you! Kakuzu's last partner wasn't killed by Kakuzu; that was all Itachi." Deidara sighed heavily.

"How is this related to Itachi being the 'chick'?" I asked, sensing I was not going to like where this was going as I started the first coat of the black polish.

"Only girls are that fucked up." Deidara shook his head like it was that obvious. I was relishing in the fact that Konan's appointment was next; I might just let something slip during the discussion.

"Is that so?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"Duh! You are a girl, I'm sure you have your husband follow stupid rules." Deidara smirked.

"I don't have a husband." I hissed.

"Poor luck, you know what?"

"What?" I asked, half way through the second coat of the inky color.

"I could help a gal out." Deidara smirked, clearly thinking this was where his expertise was.

"Excuse me?" I looked up at the kid.

"Well, Hidan boast about being a ladies man, but I know how to get you a guy! Just have to lower your shirt a bit, hike up the skirt a smidge, do something with that hair and some guy is going to want that. Oh and don't talk _ever_." Without even doing the clear coat I stood up and pointed to the door.

"Pay and get out." I hissed, eyes narrowed.

Deidara stood up clearly shocked by the menacing demeanor. "L-look, I-I s-sorry!"

"I don't care, get the fuck out." I snarled. "You, shitty little terrorist runt whose art is utter _shit_."

Deidara shoved his hand into his pocket and his eyes widened as he backed away slowly. "L-Look, K-Kakuzu's g-got m-my b-back o-on t-this o-one k-kay?" Without waiting for a response, Deidara ran from the salon.

I turned toward my Akatsuki issued messenger paper. With a quick note, I sealed it was a Jutsu and it flew on its way to Konan.

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**Thanks for reading and please please review! Thank you to those who have reviewed! Up next: Konan!**


	7. Konan

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto**

**Warning: Spoilers**

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**Konan: Thursday 12 AM**

The door slammed open as my next client walked in. She was my only female Akatsuki client and the only one that it made any sense to have their nails painted every week.

"Hello Konan, did you get my little memo?"

Konan flashed me a mischievous smile. "Let's just say that Deidara is a bit...wrapped up." Konan gracefully sat in front of me. "Hello Harumi."

"You want the usual?" I asked holding out the orange. Konan's orange eyes narrowed at the bottle.

"Actual," her voice was clip and hard, "I want blue this time."

I shrugged and pulled out a blue. She didn't even cast it a glance as she agreed to the color.

"Are you alright?" I asked tentatively as I cleaned up the orange which I noticed was scrapped off.

Konan looked at me and then whispered. "I can trust you, right?" I nodded my head reassuringly. With a deep breath she started. "I got in a fight with Nagato."

"A fight?" I asked confused. As far as I knew, Nagato and Konan got allow very, _very_ well.

Konan nodded her head gravely as I started her clear coat. "I'm just sick of it."

"Of what?" I prompted.

"Of Pein." Konan sighed.

"Pain like abuse or Pein like orange hair Akatsuki leader?" I asked wincing. Sometime that guy's name really was a bitch.

"The six body orange hair freaks controlled by Nagato." Konan murmured. "I understand the uses of Pein but I didn't fall in love with Pein but with Nagato." Konan looked down. "When we are together, it has to be with Pein since none of the other Akatsuki members know about Nagato and Nagato is a little _disabled_."

"I'm so sorry." I stated sympathetically.

"I'm just tired of it and Nagato doesn't understand." Konan narrowed her eyes. "He feels everything the same but for me, I have to be with a man that is a corpse AND I considered my brother in order to be with the man I loved." I paused through brushing the first coat of blue. This was getting a little weird, weirder then most Akatsuki problems.

"But this problem only became an issue recently." I remembered. It wasn't until after Kisame's session, those issues around the Akatsuki happened.

"When Kisame came back from his appointment, he and I were having our afternoon coffee break and were talking. Kisame was telling me how he is looking for love and then asked me about Pein and I _kindoftoldhimsomepersonalstuff._" Konan finished quickly before looked away.

"What kind of personal stuff?" I asked as I finished her second coat.

"Like about how Nagato doesn't really talk to me anymore, now that we are almost ready to start hunting tailed beasts and how Nagato has been distant lately. He won't let me visit him _in person_ as much." Konan looked down right close to tears. "I'm sick of only being there when he wants me, not when I need him!"

"Now, have you tried talking with Nagato?"

Konan nodded her head. "I did but he never listens to me. So while Kisame and I were talking, Itachi and Pein walk in. Kisame and Itachi exchanged a few heated words before Kisame went to talk to Hidan and then Itachi grabbed his dango and jasmine tea and left. I then told Pein that I couldn't handle being used by him anymore and that we need a break. Somehow we ended up getting into a fight about how I don't believe is Yahiko's dream anymore and how he doesn't even love me anymore and I locked myself into our room."

"Wait, he said he doesn't love you anymore?" I asked astonished.

"Well, no, but he didn't bother correcting me so what else am I supposed to think?" Konan sighed. I nodded my head sympathetically as I started her finishing clear coat.

"I don't know sweetie, I don't know." I murmured quietly.

"Pein, or I guess it is essentially Nagato, has been sleeping on the lumpy couch for the past four days." Konan sighed. "I feel kind of bad, I mean, he even went to Tobi for help."

"I heard about that." I stated nodding my head.

"I mean I may have a flower on my head, but Nagato knows I'm allergic to roses. The love poems were…gorge our eyes out worthy; but the chocolates were nice."

"Come; let's go to the pedicure station." I offered my hand to Konan as I lead her over to the chair. "Were the poems that bad?" I dared to ask.

Konan gave me a strangled look. "I'm sure you've done Tobi's nails, he is pretty bad. His poetry not any better. The first two lines were: My Konan, you're like a cobra. Girl you make me crazy, like those crayfish."

My mouth hung open. There was really nothing I could say to that except, "And Nagato thought that would work?"

Konan nodded her head gravely. "I just want to talk to him, I don't want to fight. I still love him." Konan looked down. "You know who I have to seek comfort in?"

"Who?" My mind was going through each member. Kisame was busy looking for his lover girl (or boy). Deidara was wrapped up and probably suffocating. Tobi wasn't an option. Sasori, as far as I knew, was still in his room getting out of Itachi's jutsu. Hidan was being an ass. Zetsu, maybe but I doubt it. That only left Kakuzu and Itachi and I couldn't see either of them doing that.

"Itachi." Konan paused for dramatic effect. I stared at her, begging her to continue as I started her clear coat. "He saw me yesterday in the kitchen and offered me a cup of his tea."

"And then?" I asked hurried. This was apocalyptic.

"Then we watched four episodes of _Suna's Sand Flower_." Konan saw my confused look. "It's a soap opera that follows the story of a medic in Suna who falls in love with one of her patients while she is married to the general of the Military. It turns out Kenji, the patient, is a Miss-nin from Cloud."

"You both watched this together, and shared tea?" I asked stunned.

"Yeah, he even shared some dango." Konan thought for a moment.

"Really?" I asked, still not being able to wrap my head around it.

"I think he is just upset that Kisame's ignoring him." Konan stated. "Itachi even muttered something about missing his Kenji when Kenji tried to run for the hospital."

I was in the middle of the second coat of blue and I couldn't stand it. "Wait, Itachi said _that_?" I asked.

"I'm telling you the boy is as gayer then a Pride parade in East Mist." Konan nodded her head.

"There is a gay community in East Mist?" I asked.

"Hell yeah, that's like a gay retirement community." Konan shrugged. At this point I was done with her clear coat and was standing up.

"Well, you're all done." I brushed my hands together,

"Thank you Harumi, just leave the bill with Kakuzu okay?" Konan sweetly asked. At this pointed I just nodded my head and waved her off.

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**Thank you for reading and please review! Thank you for the reviews and the correction, I'll be sure to go back and fix it later. **

**Next up: Pein!**


	8. Pein

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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**Pein: Friday 12 AM**

The door to the salon slammed open as an orange haired man step in. He silently sat down in front of me and dug through his Akatsuki cloak. He pulled out a scroll then set it in front of me.

I silently opened it to reveal five different sentences in different ink and handwriting.

_We want orange nails this time._

_ Disregard the earlier statement of the lesser minded and do green._

_ Yellow is so the way to go bro!_

_ If we settle this like adults, we should do black: more menacing._

_ Blue= Konan 3_

I look back up at Pein. "So what color?" I asked.

"I have no opinion on the matter." He spoke calmly.

"Do you want me to pick or…"

"I like blue." Pein cut me off.

With a shrug, I dug through the colors, and then he spoke again. "Or maroon."

Quickly picked a maroon and held it out to him. He nodded his head and set his nails in front of me.

I wiped off the nails and remained silent. Pein had been coming here for ten years and it was custom for him to talk, and I simply listen. If he wanted my opinion, he would ask, otherwise I stay quiet.

"Konan is mad at me." Pein started. "I think she is starting her lunar cycle. I hate it when the red tides come, but they are unavoidable." I stayed silent but absently wondered why Pein talked the way he did. Lunar cycles? I think he just meant her period. "I tried to lessen the pain the tides bring with flowers and chocolate. I asked Tobi to purchase them.

"It was a simple mistake, roses are supposed to be romantic. If only Tobi knew about Konan's impairment." I think he meant her being allergic to roses. "The chocolates were accepted, but I have a small feeling they have done nothing to sooth the rough waves. Deidara almost died of suffocation." I was starting his clear coat and looked up in wonder.

"Don't worry," Pein 'reassured', "I think the boy will be okay. I hear that Tobi is playing medicine woman. I have the utmost trust that Tobi will not kill Deidara yet." I noticed the vague yet, but still said nothing.

"Konan is still the main issue." Pein sighed and bowed his head before looking up at me. "Do you-you're a woman." He cut himself off before stating firmly. I nodded my head. "Tell me, do sweet words not sooth your lunar cycle rough tides?"

I was stuck between telling the leader of the Akatsuki the truth and hope I don't die, or lie and save my skin. Then again, he could probably tell I'm lying. "It depends on the sweet words." I final decided. It was true enough. I quickly looked down to see I was only halfway done with his first coat of maroon.

"What about words spoken in iambic pentameter or written language in ear pleasing rhythm?" Pein cocked his head to the side as he studied my answer.

"I suppose it would all go down to the meaning of the words." I was still trying to play it safe.

"What if it used symbolism of fierce beasts such as the almighty cobra or majestic crayfish?" Pein asked curiously. I finished the first coat of his maroon and I quickly started his clear coat. Even though I was supposed to do another coat, I feared my life more.

Dread filled my stomach. "You wrote that poem?"

"Who did you think did?"

"Tobi." I whimpered.

"…Sorry for my hesitance but Tobi?" Pein asked nearly appalled.

"Well, Tobi is more of the creative type." I stated nervously. I prayed to the heavens in hopes that I'd finish his toes quickly. "Let us move to the pedicure station."

Pein and I walked in silence. We sat there for five minute. Pein in mute silence thinking and I was quickly applying the clear coat. I was just about to start the maroon when he spoke again.

"Did Konan really not like my poem?" The almighty Akatsuki leader asked me.

I gulped. "I-I think Konan just wants to talk with you."

Silence echoed the room.

"Talk with me?" Pein asked questioning.

"Yes, she has been feeling unhappy with the current situation." I explained.

"I see. Is that why she is spending so much time with Itachi?" I nodded my head. Pein visible relaxed. "I thought she was cheating on me. I was worried that Uchiha brat was stealing my lovely flower." I couldn't help but smile at his words. "What do I say to Konan?"

"Just tell her the truth." I explained as I started his final maroon coat.

Pein nodded his head. A strange look crossed his face. "Is Itachi gay?"

I looked up. "I have no idea sir." I responded respectfully.

"Find out." He commanded. "His appointment is next right?" I nodded my head. "Send the results to Konan." I nodded my head again.

When I finished his clear coat, the two of us stood up. "Well, you are all done and your total will be-"

"Have Kakuzu pay pick the tab up for me, he has been exceptionally lazy lately." I nodded my head dumbly. "Good, now before I take my leave, can we amend the nail policy."

"Uh yeah." I said as I ran to my station, opened a draw and pulled out the list of 'Nails Not Allowed.' I handed it over to Pein and he reviewed it.

"I feel we should give our members creative freedom when it comes to their nails so we can just get rid of his note." Pein ripped it up and tossed it in the waste bin. "Good day."

I stared in disbelief, remembering what Tobi had said on his last visit in that deep voice, _I'll have to have a word with Pein._ How the hell did Tobi change Pein's mind?

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**Thank you for reading! Please review, they make my day. Up Next: Itachi**


	9. Itachi

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

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**Itachi: Friday 10 PM**

I delicately reached into my drawer and pulled out a dull purple. It was the nail color I used for Itachi. He hardly ever had an opinion of his nails and insisted that I just use that same one.

I started to trim and clean up his nails and he sighed bored. He had his eyes closed and looked like he was regretfully enjoying the experience. Itachi was a usually calm and obedient client. He rarely talked or made a fuss, he was just simply there for some piece and quiet.

When Itachi did talk, it was always something either arbitrary or so utterly above my head that I remained silent. Pein may think himself as a god, but Itachi seemed like a closer bet just based on how they speak.

"Harumi, you preached love to Sasori and Kisame, correct?" Itachi spoke as if asking about the weather. I looked up to see his black eyes staring at me intensely.

"I-I didn't n-necessarily preach." I muttered horrified to have yet another disastrous conversation. This really wasn't my week.

"Tell me, do you believe in love." Itachi demanded rather then asked.

"I suppose I do." I admitted silently as I opened his clear coat.

"Then explain to me, are you an expert at love?" Itachi's gaze still intently on me.

"I wouldn't say an expert but-"

"Then _why_ are you giving your advice to my partner?" Itachi cut me off with a dead cold voice.

I gulped horrified. "I was merely offering my suggestions."

"Yes, those suggestions include abandoning his duties and looking for some 'love' of his and leaving me." Itachi hissed coolly.

"I didn't mean to upset anyone; I just wanted to help him out." I muttered quickly as my shaky hands painted over his nails with the clear coat.

"Maybe he didn't _need_ your help." Itachi turned his gaze away from me and looked out the window.

"I know. I'm sorry." I quickly apologized, although I didn't exactly see why. I opened up the dull purple and started the first coat.

"I mean, it's just stupid." Itachi shook his head disgusted. "Kisame can't find love."

"Why not?" I chirped but then my eyes widened in horror but before I could utter another apology, Itachi started to speak.

"You don't just find it. You stumble upon it, build it up, and let it grow into something more. You can't just wake up and go looking for it." Itachi rolled his eyes. "Love is potentially a bond that has to be built and the only ones Kisame has built bonds with are with us."

"Oh." I mumbled. "Does that mean one of you is suited for Kisame's love?"

Itachi's normally cool and collected face broken into, what looked like, shock before quickly freezing into dull perfection. "I suppose that could be an option."

I blinked. "Who do you think Kisame would be good with?" I through caution to the wind and asked.

"I don't have time for silly gossip." Itachi stated.

"Personally, I think Kisame and Zetsu would be nice together." I acted like I hadn't heard him and started his second coat.

If I hadn't witnessed it I wouldn't have believed that Uchiha Itachi literally winced and went _red_ at the thought. Of course, he quickly returned to his normal hues before anything could be said on the matter.

"You're delusional." Itachi muttered.

"Okay, then Kisame and Hidan." I shrugged. "I mean, both seem like sadist to me."

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "Hidan is straight."

"Are you going to counter every one of my suggestions? Don't you want your friend to be happy?" I asked curiously as I finished the clear coat and motioned Itachi to stand up and move to the pedicure station.

"He is just my partner, nothing more." Itachi stated coldly.

"Hmm, he and Deidara could be cute." I murmur as I cleaned up his toes.

"_No_." Itachi hissed lowly.

"By golly, then who?" I countered.

Itachi didn't say anything for a while as I worked on his nails. I was opening up the clear coat when he spoke. "None of the Akatsuki members are suited for Kisame."

"Oh." I mumbled.

Silence echoed the room. He remained in absolute silence as I worked on his first coat of the purple.

"Kisame needs someone toned down. He is outgoing so he needs someone who is willing to just lay back. He also needs someone who he can talk to and someone who understands him." Itachi explained, catching me off guard. "Kisame needs someone who will be there for him, through thick and thin; someone who is willing to just _be _with him."

"Like you." It came out before I could stop it. I gasped, whipped my head up and dropped the nail polish on the floor.

Itachi's eyes were blood red with his mangekyou sharingan. His calm mask was broken, revealing a livid Itachi.

"What did you say?" He hissed and then it hit me. I was in his tsukuyomi.

"N-Nothing!" I yelped in fear.

"Lies." He snarled. "So tell me."

"It was merely a suggestion." I whimpered.

"You seem to have a lot of those." Itachi jeered.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

Immediately tsukuyomi was lifted. Itachi was seated calmly in his chair and I was still on the floor, the purple nail polish in hand.

"You may continue." Itachi waved his hand. I quickly began working on his toes again. A few minutes passed before he spoke. "I believe Kisame likes girls."

I snapped my head up. "Oh, probably." I murmured, sinking my head back down.

"Then why do you suggest me?" Itachi cocked his head to the side.

"…It fit the description." I stated in a rather shaky voice. I was finishing up his clear coat. "Do you like girls?"

Itachi seemed scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Do you really have to ask that?"

"I really don't know though." I answered with my head bowed.

"I see." Itachi abruptly stood up and yanked me up with him. My eyes widened as I felt the cold metal on a kunai on my neck and I was staring at his mangekyou sharingan. "Not a word of this to anyone." Itachi whispered. I nodded my head the best I could under my condition. He released me and walked toward the door. "Kakuzu has me covered."

I watched as the young man walked out of my salon and I prayed that next week, he would have forgotten his whole experience. Then, a thought struck me. He never _did_ tell me if he liked girls.

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**Thank you for reading! Please review:D Up next: Kakuzu!**


	10. Kakuzu

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

**Warning: Currency is in American Dollars.**

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**Kakuzu: Saturday 1:00 PM**

"What is your cheapest this week?" Kakuzu asked as he sat himself down in front of me. There was never a hello, or good day; just always down to the cheapest polish.

I opened my draw and pulled out two bottles. "They are the same price." I explained as a set down a dark red and a turquoise blue. "There is _Pound Me on the Table Red_ or _12 Inch Gang Bang Blue_."

Kakuzu stared intently at the colors before looking up at me with a dull look and in monotone stated, "I'll have _Pound Me on the Table Red_."

I shrugged as I put away the blue and began to wipe off the previous _Dirty Slut Green_. I _never_ converse with Kakuzu; it was almost a written rule. I tried once; it was awkward and silently disturbing. It just never happened again so I was surprised that when I finished up his nails and was writing out his receipt for the jobs that he set an envelope on my desk.

"What is that?" I asked.

"I note regarding the happenings of last night." Kakuzu stated as he grabbed the receipt from my hand. I could have sworn his eyes popped out of his head and his hand clenched around the receipt.

"529.89?" Kakuzu hissed.

"Yes, well you see each job is 49.99, now if you multiple that by ten and add in the tax, it will equal the 529.89." I explained as I took a step back from the counter.

"Why is it multiple by ten?" Kakuzu muttered darkly.

"Well you see, the other members informed me that you would be covering their tab." I whimpered.

"I see." Kakuzu hissed. He reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a wallet. "Will a check work?"

I blinked in surprise and nodded my head quickly. Kakuzu wrote out the check and handed it to me. I looked at the name. "Who is Yamato?" I asked curiously.

"An offshore account alias." Kakuzu stated as he walked out of the office, slamming the fragile glass door that further cracked, thanks to Tobi.

"Offshore account in Konoha?" I muttered to myself. I shrugged and pocketed the check as I walked over to the envelope. I curiously opened it and saw a page and a half of Kakuzu's writing.

_For all the trouble you have caused._

_ Sasori: Healthily out of Itachi's genjutsu. He has referred to neither Kisame nor Itachi by the offending names and all is good again. He is now working on puppets of Itachi and Kisame. He mentioned to Tobi in passing about 'rebuilding the Father and the Mother'. He also has Tobi working on a drawing of Itachi and Kisame's love child in secret. Attached is a copy of said picture. _

I curiously picked up the piece of paper a saw a crudely drawn turquoise blue shark with a black and purple ponytail and red sharingan-like eyes. I hastily returned it to the envelope and returned to reading Kakuzu's note.

_Hidan: Still annoying. He is now giving seminars on how to pick up women. Luckily for me, a lot of men in Suna have paid advanced non-refundable payments. Unfortunately for them, two have been killed by kunoichi who have been offended by these tactics. Zetsu is currently trying to help by loaning him 'Icha Icha Paradise' books to help with the seminars. I don't think it will work and I'm still working on plotting Hidan's death. Any advice is welcomed._

_ Zetsu: Is relatively normal? He is half plant, half…whatever. He still watches everyone while they aren't looking and we have afternoon coffee to discuss the happenings of the organization and funding. Still BFFLAAs. (Best Friends For Life And Akatsuki)_

_ Deidara: Currently being cared for by Nurse Tobi. After Konan's suffocation, Tobi has been nursing him back to health in a cheap Halloween costume for women. Deidara has begged for help multiple times but no one can hear him in the basement anymore. Itachi has firmly locked the door to the basement and Tobi is the only one with a key. I don't think we will be seeing Deidara anymore. _

_ Konan: Has forgiven Pein. They kissed and made up and much more and have been locked in their bedroom since. Itachi is now in charge of the organization until further notice. Konan also has agreed to make her tomato soup and everyone is happy again. She is even making grilled cheeses!_

_ Pein: Has learned to accept Konan's feelings. He now watches soaps with Itachi and Konan and seems to enjoy them. In other news, Zetsu heard about his new piercing from Konan, but no one can see it so we have sent Tobi on a mission to find out where it is. Updates soon._

_ Tobi: Is being tested. All the members have been testing him and sending him on tasks and chores to test his worth. Tobi is being tested in reconnaissance, medical practice, art, durability, and intelligence. Results still below par. _

_ Kisame: Has given up his quest for love. After a long and private talk with Itachi (even Zetsu couldn't hear what was happening) he decided to give up and it was pointless. He has also spent more time with Itachi and both seem to be glowing with happiness. Kisame also has been seen wearing Itachi's necklace, although he does try to hide it on occasion. _

_ Itachi: Has stopped hurting other organization members. He also has stopped eating fish with aggression every night (started on Tuesday night) and refuses to eat any more ever again. Lucky for me, fish was too expensive. Itachi also has been being generous with this rules, but only when his partner is concerned. Tobi is jealous and is healing a nasty burn he received from Itachi when sitting in Itachi's chair. In other news, Itachi seems to be a supporter of gay rights, more on that next time._

_ In Tail-Beast Related News: No tailed beasts have been caught, although word has it that we are close to capturing the Seven Tails though. Wish us luck._

_ Enjoy and stop trying to help with the members of the organization. It is not helpful. Actually you suck. If we didn't tell you so much stuff about our lives and you weren't a fantastic nail's artist, we would fire you…or kill you. Watch yourself Harumi._

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**Wow, it's done! Thank you everyone who has reviewed, favorited, or simply read this, it means the world to me. Working on other stuff, so keep an eye out! Thanks again and please Review! Until next time!**


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